Review: Go Set a Watchman

Go Set a Watchman by Harper Lee
My rating: 2 of 5 stars

I hated this book. Hated. And I'm still not sure why my reaction is so strong and so visceral. I've waited a few days to see if I could better articulate my feelings, and I can't.

The book started off fairly strongly, but the last third was basically a screed in dialogue form between cardboard-thin characters who were never more than superficial in their views.

I'd say this book needed an editor, except that this book HAD an editor: the one that said, "Don't publish this book; the kernel of what you are trying to do lies in another place;" the one that got us "To Kill a Mockingbird."

As for how Atticus has changed/is racist/was always racist, I appreciate Lance Mannion's insights on the matter in his post about both books [http://lancemannion.typepad.com/lance...], and fiction in general:

"It will be a shame, though, if thousands of adults who love and cherish To Kill a Mockingbird do have it ruined for them by having Go Set a Watchman rewrite it for them and they now see it as merely a prequel to the real story, the one in which the truth can finally be revealed. And going by the online discussion, there are a lot of people who already think that Go Set A Watchman is the true or, at any rate, the truer story and its Atticus is the real Atticus.

"As if there is a “real” Atticus.

"But the basis for thinking Watchman's the real or more realistic Atticus seems to be that in reality there were more racists in that time and place than there were white liberal heroes and that Go Set A Watchman is told from the adult Scout's point of view and as an adult she is ready to face and reveal the whole truth about her father.

"As if To Kill a Mockingbird had been written by a nine year old.

"As if adults are better at perceiving and handling the truth."

Indeed.

View all my reviews

Various & Sundry: in which quite a few people make very good points

Hello! I'm back. And we have much to discuss. But at the moment, here's a few odds and endy things I wanted to share.

What do you say to a person who asks if suicide is a legitimate option for someone "who genuinely is tired and doesn't want to continue"? I thought this was a terrific answer.

I've never really thought much one way or the other about Libertarianism, but Lance Mannion sure has and has the rant to prove it. "You don’t have to believe in no government," he writes, "but if you aren’t at least trying to take yourself off the grid and off the dole, then I’ve got to conclude that your professed libertarianism is just a high-fallutin’, long-winded, and, usually, very boring way to complain about your taxes." He may have a point.

I've started following the blog Our Valued Customers which reports on snippets of conversation from a comic book store.

He may have a point, too.

Ta-nehisi Coates also has a mighty good rant going with his post on The Selective Amnesia of Post-War Europe, which is not quite the stuck-in-the-past post you might think it is. (Or maybe I'm just particularly close to it, having recently finished the post-war-set Bernie Gunther mystery A Quiet Flame, which I'll get around to reviewing one of these days.) This was the key quote for me: "'The past' is whatever contributes to a society's moral debts. 'Heritage' is everything else." Say it with me now: He may have a point.

Although this article is ostensibly about the dangers of playing it safe, it's also an excellent example of keeping the long view in order to foster change in an organization. The writer, who encourages organizations to take risks, also (I think) learned the important lesson: Change happens in mysterious ways.

In a fit of self-promotion, and because I'm pleased with how it turned out, I'd like to pass on a blog post I wrote on 4 reasons youth hate confirmation classes. You'd hate them too.

Go, Red Sox! Check out this amazing Red Sox Bento Box lunch, with an apple carved into a baseball:

Finally, seeing as it's almost noon, I recommend the essay On Lying In Bed by G.K. Chesterton. Is it immoral to lie about in the morning? "Instead of being regarded, as it ought to be, as a matter of personal convenience and adjustment, it has come to be regarded by many as if it were a part of essential morals to get up early in the morning. It is upon the whole part of practical wisdom; but there is nothing good about it or bad about its opposite." He most certainly has a point.

And did I mention? Go Red Sox!

Various & Sundry: Mostly things you're not sick of hearing about

It has been a long time, my friends, and goodness knows there are lots of things I could share with you today. But I will try to contain myself and keep it to the bare essentials, the most important and up-to-date...ummm...updates.

For example, we're all still talking about Miley Cyrus, right? I know there's been all sorts of stuff flitting about but I think all except this one article have missed the real issue, here: the terrible music.

Why do your children listen to knock-offs of Marvin Gaye? Why don’t they just listen to Marvin Gaye? Don’t you have Marvin Gaye records lying around, for crying out loud? Marvin Gaye sang about sex, but in a sexy way. Not in a rapey way. For example: while Marvin Gaye sings lines such as “You can love me when you want to, babe // This is such a groovy party, baby” in “Got to Give It Up”, a song that Thicke acknowledged being inspired by and preemptively sued the Gaye family re: copyright infringement allegations , Thicke sings “You the hottest bitch in the place". Since this is a blog post about shitty taste in music and not about feminism, I will ignore the fact that this is an incredibly offensive lyric and zero in on the fact that “you the hottest bitch in the place” is just plain ol’ incorrect English. Instead of worrying about your children watching scantily clad women being dry humped by men who could be their father, you should be more concerned about your children dropping verbs from their sentences.

Exactly so. May I have my curmudgeon card now?

It's strange that we're still talking about this almost one week later, given this eerily accurate description of the attention span of Twitter:

Also exactly so.

On to even more important things: your acting lesson from the week by Sir Patrick Stewart, who reviews previous lessons on the single-, double-, and triple-take, and moves into the extremely difficult quadruple-take. It is so difficult, he actually flubs it.



I deeply appreciated Jessica Creech's post Goodbye Church, Hello God. I feel like I'm in a similar place, in which going to church on Sundays is often not worth the cost of making that effort. Which is no sign of burn-out or loss of faith. It's...something else.

I wonder what has finally happened to the Bay Bridge Troll. Yes, troll, not toll. I will feel better knowing it has a good home when the new bridge opens next week.

Oh, update: "The troll will stay where it is for now, because there will be workers tearing down the old bridge and they will need protection. (This kind of quotidian witchcraft is quite head-spinning.) Later, it will be removed and put in a safe place somewhere near the bridge." I am relieved.

But you know what's even better than having a guardian troll under your bridge? Having a brand new puppy under your chair. Sam has arrived. Want to say hello?

Various & Sundry: I'm fairly sure this is not the dumbest thing on the internet

*Yawn!* Where did the week go? I had so many things I thought about posting this week. But did it happen? Well, you tell me.

So you're stuck with the usual mish-mash of things. I hope you enjoy them.

I take comfort in knowing that I am not the dumbest thing on the internet. So says Erin Faulk, who you may remember from her adventures in finding Matt Damon in Morocco. People (apparently) commented harshly, which she says is like that guy at the cocktail party who has no social sense and has to respond to your story by saying, "That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard."

I mean, think about that. There is literally no point in time in which you are the dumbest thing on the internet. Have you seen the internet? YOU ARE NOT THE DUMBEST THING ON THE INTERNET. That will always be true. Statistically, in your lifetime, that will always be true. There will always be someone dumber than you on the internet. Geraldo Rivera tweeted a half-naked selfie last night. I mean, ffs, YOU ARE NOT THE DUMBEST THING ON THE INTERNET. 

Remember that the next time you think about saying something. You are not the dumbest thing on the internet. No matter what anyone else says - and trust me, people will say things - you just aren’t. You may not have the best story to tell, or the smartest take on whatever breaking news is currently breaking, but you’re not the biggest idiot out there either.

Pauline Baird Jones says something similar as she remembers when she was 5 and puked on her tutu right before the big dance recital.

The risk we face in the journey to becoming isn’t dying, it’s puking on our tutu. That fear feels like dying. Fear dresses itself up like the safer choice, it’s the un-puked on tutu, the path of common sense, and it smiles and soothes while it kills our hopes, our dreams, our becoming.

And so I post without regret the exceedingly nerdy post The Most Interesting Theologians In the World which tracks the Twitter exchange between two theology PhDs who had nothing better to do, and I am better for it. In a nerdy sort of way. For example:

Tillich: "I don't always talk about the absolute, but when I do, I do so with ultimate concern. Stay courageous, my friends."
— David Congdon (@dwcongdon) July 24, 2013

"I don't always scout 2nd generation reformers, but when I do, I pick winners. Stay Genevan, my friends." - Martin Bucer
— W. Travis McMaken (@WTravisMcMaken) July 25, 2013

Well, I warned you!

On Goodreads, I posted a couple of book reviews that I thought I would be posting on the blog, but never got around to. I highly recommend both Story of a Girl and Committed, if you're interested.

I also loved this performance from this week's episode of So You Think You Can Dance (which is a terrific show). What I loved about it was that ultimately, the woman released herself. The dance starts at ~1:20, if you want to get right to it.



What do you think?

Regarding Treyvon Martin

Are you still thinking about Treyvon Martin? I know I am. But boy am I not qualified to comment. My main reaction has been to say, "That is messed up." So that's about my level of sophistication.

But here are some responses to Treyvon Martin's death, the George Zimmerman trial and verdict, and race in American generally that I thought were helpful/illuminating. Mostly, I'm just listening right now.

Ta-Nehisi Coates as always has good things to say. His first response set the stage for this longer reflection:

It is painful to say this: Trayvon Martin is not a miscarriage of American justice, but American justice itself. This is not our system malfunctioning. It is our system working as intended. To expect our juries, our schools, our police to single-handedly correct for this, is to look at the final play in the final minute of the final quarter and wonder why we couldn't come back from twenty-four down.

I know I already posted this link on Friday, but it's worth posting again:

15 Things Black People Must Do In Order to End Racism

With that post in mind, this tweet struck a chord:

All this writing about how young black boys should behave to avoid getting killed = telling women how to not get raped...
— SocProf (@SocProf) July 14, 2013

An interesting perspective from Stephen Kuusisto. The kicker:

Privileged space and security guards go hand in hand. And with the travesty of justice in Sanford, Florida we're told that anyone can be a security guard. And anyone can be gunned down.

The Black Youth Project posted a heartfelt response:

As we waited to hear the verdict, in the spirit of unity, we formed a circle and locked hands. When we heard “not guilty,” our hearts broke collectively. In that moment, it was clear that Black life had no value. Emotions poured out – emotions that are real, natural and normal, as we grieved for Trayvon and his stolen humanity. Black people, WE LOVE AND SEE YOU. We mourn, but there’s hope as long as love endures.

And finally, Toure posted this beautiful and poignant article on how to talk to young black boys about Treyvon Martin. It was written in 2012 and makes even more of an impact now.

There is nothing wrong with you. You’re amazing. I love you. When I look at you, I see a complex human being with awesome potential, but some others will look at you and see a thug — even if their only evidence is your skin. Their racism relates to larger anxieties and problems in America that you didn’t create. When someone is racist toward you — either because they’ve profiled you or spit some slur or whatever — they are saying they have a problem. They are not speaking about you. They’re speaking about themselves and their deficiencies.

What else should I read?

Various & Sundry: Some really weird stuff, plus some justice and injustice

I think tomorrow I'll have to do a special obit round-up. It's been a good week in death. But let's focus on other things for now, shall we?

So get yourself a nice mug of tea, maybe in one of these upside-down mugs, and settle in.

Hard to take in isn't it? But as the blogger who posted this noted (or at least claims), these mugs are "more stable and more balanced in the hand because of the handles position (being upside down and lower down than normal). This gives a more comfortable pour when drinking due to where the centre of gravity is. They are also more stable in general and less likely to be knocked over. The inverted shape also keeps tea and coffee hotter for longer." If true, then where have they been all my life?

More photos of the creator at work here.

Hungry now? So here's a question I'm sure you've been asking yourself: What's in Prince's Fridge? You will be glad to know someone has answered that question. And it's...an unusual mix of items. There's no photographic evidence (Prince would not allow photographs), but here is an artist's rendering:

Did they make this up? Who knows? But if so, my hat is off to the person who came up with this quote from Prince about his real maple syrup:

“People say U can’t tell the difference, but U know, it’s the real deal. It’s a cut above. It’s about 100 cuts above. This is the only thing that touches my waffles.”

I smell hit lyrics!

Continuing our theme of weird fetishes, let's examine this 12-foot-tall statue of Colin Firth as Mr. Darcy in the coming-out-of-the-lake scene of Pride and Prejudice. No, I am not making this up.

In a more serious mode, now, I thought this satirical list of 15 things black people must do to end racism was truly heartbreaking. And eye-opening. For example,

4. It is the responsibility of the Negro to always dress in a respectable manner. The Negro must, at all times, dress professionally with impeccably pressed trousers and non-threatening white button down shirts. Ties are preferred. The Negro should try to avoid sneakers, sweats, baggy jeans, hoodies, or any other apparel that may constitute a thuggish, frightening appearance or suggest that he may be concealing a weapon or drugs. These types of clothing, however, are perfectly suitable for whites.

Something I'm sure is on people's minds as the jury in the George Zimmerman trial enters deliberations and as the film Fruitvale Station opens in theaters.

I think this story has a much happier ending, though. What do you do if your car is broken into and the thief leaves behind his cell phone? If you're smart, like this woman, you press the speed dial on the miscreant's phone helpfully labelled "Mom."


Justice is served. Home-style.

Does this make you feel great?

This week, Stephanie Drury, who is a keen observer of Christian Culture (a different animal entirely from Christianity), ran across an article recommending 62 Things to Say to Make Your Husband Feel Great. She decided to text these things to her husband and post screen shots of his responses. A few gems are below. You can read them all here and here.

Update: Bonus! Part 3!

Various & Sundry: Sad Affairs, Fairy Tales, Superheroes, Parents, Happy Endings

I'm on my way shortly to Fort Bragg where I will be covering the service for St. Michael and All Angels. While on my way, I plan to listen to Colin Firth performing The End of the Affair. Doesn't that sound delicious? In a tortured, repressed sort of way, of course. I'm wondering if Colin will need to move books slightly to the left.



My sister brought these Six Fairy Tales for the Modern Woman to my attention, and I think they're pretty fabulous. My favorite:

Once upon a time a woman grew up in a land-locked state, and continued to live there because she had married her high school sweetheart, and his job was tied to the area, and she wanted to stay close to her parents, but she had always wished she had learned to surf. So when she turned 65 she used some of the money from her savings account, took her first ever solo vacation to the coast, and took a week's worth of surfing lessons, and had a very nice time.

The End.

Also, while we're talking about modern fairy tales, I thought Lance Mannion had a mighty interesting take both on Iron Man 3 (arguing that it is a commentary on The Incredibles) and on Star Trek: Into Darkness (or as he put it, Into Perpetual Adolescence). I haven't seen either of those movies to comment further, but I loved the insights nonetheless.

I'm not a parent either, but I thought this article asking other parents at the park not to help her kids was terrific. "They're not here to be at the top of the ladder; they're here to learn how to climb." True for so many things.

Not that there's anything wrong with winning. Let's just pause to admire the fact that the A's swept the Yankees this week, and especially their win in 18 innings on Thursday.

Various & Sundry: Courage from start to finish

I love my little blog. It's just so satisfying, being able to share what's on my mind and have it actually reach other people. It's nerve-wracking, too, of course, and I'm glad I am an obscure little bit player in the blogosphere, but as a writing person, I think blogging is great exercise. If you're wondering about blogging yourself, I'd recommend that you read Mark Shaefer's post 10 Maxims of Successful Blogging. Here are maxims 1 and 2:

1. We live in an increasingly information-dense world. The only way to stand out is to dig down deep and bring your own story to the world. Your point of differentiation is you. You have no competitors. Write a blog post that only you could write.  

 2. The biggest challenge to blogging isn’t having the time, the ideas, or the resources to do it. It’s having the courage to do it. It takes guts to put yourself out there in front of the world. You can’t learn that. You just have to do it.

Actually, I think that's about more than just blogging, don't you?

In other writing news, the editor for the obituary page of the Daily Telegraph (London) explains how to write a good obituary:

You know that James Harrison is going to have a good obituary, when the day comes. Harrison has a rare form of blood plasma that prevents Rhesus disease, a condition where antibodies in a pregnant woman’s blood destroy her baby's blood cells. He has been donating blood an average of once every three weeks for over 50 years and is estimated to have saved 2.4 million babies. Makes me wonder when I'm next eligible to give blood.

Here's who else is not in the obituary pages this week: Debbie Harry, who is, instead, featured in Vogue Spain, 67 years old and looking absolutely fabulous. As Tom and Lorenzo explain (well, mostly Tom), Debbie Harry taught Tom "that being fabulous is the very best 'fuck you' one can give to a world determined to tear you down, and that drama, beauty and glamour were good for the soul when so many people around you seem to be striving for mediocrity." Given that yesterday, I wasn't sure whether I'd actually brushed my hair that day, I think I could be doing better in learning this lesson.

I did not look like this yesterday. Or any day, for that matter.

Then again, I don't look like Hitler either. Unlike some tea kettles I could name. JC Penney got in trouble this week when someone pointed out that the kettle on a billboard near Culver City had a decidedly Third-Reich-like cast to it. This gave rise to the following lead in Business Insider:

JCPenney has officially denied that a tea kettle being advertised on a billboard on the 405 Interstate near Culver City, Calif., is intended to represent Adolf Hitler, the Nazi dictator during World War II.

What's your favorite part? Is it the "officially denied"? Or (my favorite) that they explain who Adolf Hitler is?

Here, by the way, was JC Penney's official response:

@telegraph Certainly unintended. If we'd designed the kettle to look like something, we would've gone w/a snowman: twitter.com/jcpenney/statu…
— jcpenney (@jcpenney) May 28, 2013

Well, naturally.

I understand JC Penney is having a hard time of it these days, and they may want to read this post, or at least follow its wonderful advice: "There is no silver bullet. There are only lead bullets." Really, that's better advice than you'd think. Sometimes you just have to fight that good fight.

But wouldn't you rather watch bath time for baby sloths? I know I would.

The Dust on your Feet

Here's the post I wrote for today's edition of 50 Days of Fabulous. You get the special bonus content of "before" and "after" pictures of the shoes I wore in Uganda.

Read:
Whenever you enter a town and its people welcome you, eat what is set before you; cure the sick who are there, and say to them, “The kingdom of God has come near to you.” But whenever you enter a town and they do not welcome you, go out into its streets and say, “Even the dust of your town that clings to our feet, we wipe off in protest against you. Yet know this: the kingdom of God has come near.”

Luke 10:8-11

Reflect:

Before

Do you know how hard it is to get dust off your shoes? I learned this during the brief time I spent in Uganda, walking on dirt roads every day. And every day, Alex, the houseboy (and let’s talk about how uncomfortable that was), would take my shoes and try to scrub them clean, but the dirt never really came off. My shoes still have some of the red dirt from those roads.

In this passage from Luke, Jesus gives his disciples instructions before sending them out and is brutally realistic about the fact that some of these visits are going to be a total failure.

I’m trying to think of anyone who told me that sometimes my ministry is going to be a bust. I’m not coming up with anyone (though it’s possible I simply ignored them and believed it would never happen to me). But I’m here to tell you: sometimes what you work on is going to be a total bust.

Here are two mistakes I’ve made when it comes to failure. The first was to keep banging my head against a wall when something wasn’t working. I believed that any failure must be my fault; that if I spent a little more time, put in a little more effort, explained myself a little bit better, then everything would work. But Jesus is very clear: if something isn’t working, don’t pretend that it is. It’s not that you’re doing something wrong; it’s that you are not welcomed. Move on to someplace that’s going to welcome you and your work.

As of now--and I got back in 2008.

My other mistake was to believe it’s easy to brush it off when something fails. “Shake the dust off your feet,” I’ve heard many times, and thought it was supposed to be a simple thing. I didn’t realize that dust clings. I didn’t know that it would take effort and time to wipe it all off.

But here’s the third thing I see when I look at this reading today: Jesus calls us, not to succeed, but to bring the kingdom of God near. Success or failure was not the point. Actually, I now believe that success and failure don’t look like what we think they look like. If we have brought the kingdom of God near, we have succeeded by the only important measure.

Respond:
Are you spending your time on a project you should leave behind? Take the first few steps on to the next town.

Are you still worried about the dust of failure clinging to you? If something you tried to do didn’t work, be sure to say “That failed,” not “I failed.”

You don't have to smile

Back when I was living in the second floor apartment of the Parish House in Gambier, OH, every day I would pass a piece of graffiti on the landing by the phone. It said "Smile. Jesus loves you." It made me want to strangle the writer.

I remembered this today, reading Allie Brosh's epic post on Hyperbole and a Half: Depression Part Two. Here's the image that made me want to employ a semi-automatic weapon that most of the time I want to see banned:

Is it just me? Or does it make you want to kill someone too?

When are we going to understand that "Rejoice with those who rejoice; weep with those who weep" means just what it says? We're told to bear one another's burdens, not cheer one another up. "Jesus loves you" comes with no strings attached, not even a smile.

I saw this rewrite of the Serenity Prayer the other day, and I think it's worth sharing:

God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to change the one I can, and the wisdom to know it’s me.

The terrible truth is you can't make people feel better. But if you can sit with them where they are, maybe that will feel ok.

Who am I doing this for?

Cross-posted on the 50 Days of Fabulous site.


Read

Teach me, O Lord, the way of your statutes,
And I shall keep it to the end.
                                                -Psalm 119:33

Reflect:
I was just starting my first job out of seminary, setting up a college chaplaincy at Kenyon College, and I needed help and advice on what to do. So I went to Chicago and met (among others) the great Sam Portaro who was then chaplain at Brent House at the University of Chicago.

He had all sorts of fantastic advice on setting up mailing lists and creating calendars and the nitty-gritty of getting things done. I took notes furiously, overwhelmed at everything I would have to set up in the month I had before classes started. And at the end of our meeting, as I looked over everything on this huge list, I probably radiated anxiety. I certainly felt it anyway. And Sam looked at me and gave me this advice: “Just love those kids.” I didn’t write it down, but I’ve never forgotten it.

The section of Psalm 119 that’s in today’s lectionary has always struck me because of one word — and the word is “it.” At first I thought, shouldn’t it be “them”? After all, it’s about following God’s statutes, all 613 of them. But although “statutes” is plural, it’s not the statutes that the Psalmist is hoping to keep; it is the way of the statutes, the basic underlying premise. The Psalmist asks God to teach me that one way, the singular thing that keeps all of those statutes together in one place, and that is of course the way of love.

This way of love isn’t simply a mushy-gooey excuse for not planning. When I returned to Ohio, I got to work and dug into the nitty-gritty details. But knowing that the underlying premise of all my tasks was to “Just love those kids” gave me the assurance that even if I didn’t do things perfectly, I was still headed the right way.

Respond:
Before you start work today, instead of focusing entirely on what you need to do, take a minute to think about who you are doing it for and say a prayer for them.

Various & Sundry: Macho Obituaries and other entertainments

I'm puttering this morning. And this video captures Saturday morning puttering better than anything I could say.


Yes, it is a cat dressed as a shark riding a Roomba chasing a duckling. Thanks to anibundel for finding and posting this.

I mean, seriously, do I need to go on? Oh, all right. There's more.

It was a week of Macho Obituaries. If it came to a face-off, who do you think would win: Fred "Nosher" Powell, a bouncer, bodyguard, and Bond stuntman? Anna Merz, who founded a rhino preserve after her retirement? Or Jake McNeice, a member of the "Filthy Thirteen," better known in Hollywood as the "Dirty Dozen," which was actually up to 18 men involved in demolition behind enemy lines in WWII? To be honest, I suspect they are all drinking together and sharing stories. Goodness knows they have a lot of them.

As a lover of your basic paperback mystery, I thought this list of 30 things to tell a book snob was good. Although I think #19 sums up my snobbery about snobbery ("Snobs are suckers, because they have superficial prejudices"), #12 does the best job of capturing why snobbery is bad for snobs and for all of us:

12. You are one of 7,000,000,000 people in the world. You can never be above all of them. But you can be happy to belong.

I see some potential for a mystery series in Internet Sleuthing. This article argues that the Internet is actually good at fighting crime (by which it means internet users, of course), and directed me to a site called WebSleuths, which encourages its members to take on real cases of missing persons and the like. Nero Wolfe would have loved this.

I'm salivating at the thought of Ian McKellan and Patrick Stewart on stage together at Berkeley Rep. I don't care WHAT they're in, as long as they're together, though it happens to be Harold Pinter's No Man's Land. Which I fully admit means nothing to me. It's Ian McKellan and Patrick Stewart! I mean, c'mon!

In other entertainment news, KCTV News in Kansas City reports that "A central Kansas woman likely won't remember her first circus for the clowns or performances — it'll be the tiger in the bathroom."

The big cat had escaped briefly after its turn in the ring Saturday at the Isis Shrine Circus in Salina. Staff members blocked off the concourses at the Bicentennial Center as the tiger wandered into the bathroom, where one of the doors was blockaded. 

About that time, Salina resident Jenna Krehbiel decided she needed to use the restroom. When she walked in the door that hadn't been blocked off, she found a tiger standing about 2 feet away, The Salina Journal reported. 

"You don't expect to go in a bathroom door, have it shut behind you and see a tiger walking toward you," Krehbiel said.

Oh, if I had a nickel for every time that had happened to me...

Being with people in the valley

This is a bloggified version of the sermon I gave on Good Shepherd Sunday.

There's a reason Psalm 23 is so popular, but I hadn't really realized it until I read it in the midst of the  rotten week we had last week.

Here's the verse that leapt out at me:

Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I shall fear no evil;
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff, they comfort me.

As I thought about it, one of the things that's hard about helping people who are in the valley is that it feels like you aren't doing anything. We want so much to do something that will make it better. But  in the Psalm, it doesn't say, "I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, and you take care of everything and make it go away." Accompanying someone through the valley isn't about zapping everything into perfection, but being with a person for the long haul to the other side. The Psalm captures that perfectly.

I thought it might be helpful to share what we can do to be with people when they are walking through the valley of the shadow of death -- and what we can hope for when we're going through it ourselves. And so here are three suggestions of what not to do, and three suggestions of what we can do to help those when they are walking through that valley.

What not to do:

1) Do not compare or rank suffering. When someone is having a hard time, it is not helpful to be told that other people have it much worse than they do. I saw that a lot with the bombings in Boston, with people saying, "Oh yeah? Well, think about Syria." There is no denying that other people are suffering, but if your object is to provide comfort, that will not help. It will, in fact, simply put up walls between you and the other person.

Another way we do this that seems encouraging but is simply another form of the same tactic is when we say to people "Cheer up! It could always be so much worse!" Again, this is not helpful. Comparing one person's suffering to another, or to an imaginary worse situation, denies or minimizes a person's situation. It sends the message that they should not feel the way they do. The fact is, they do feel the way they do. How anyone else feels or what anyone else is going through at that moment is irrelevant.

2) Do not give advice. The desire to give advice may come from the best of motives and the honest impulse to want to fix things. But the effect of giving advice often merely exacerbates the pain a person is going through.

I recently read a reflection from someone who talked about how giving advice to someone with chronic illness is, in fact, an isolating experience. For someone who has already tried everything and still feels stuck in the valley, advice is not only meaningless, it becomes a source of pain. It says to the person, "I'm healthy and you're not and if only you had X, Y, and Z, it wouldn't have happened to you. And if you only do 1, 2, and 3, you would get yourself out of it." Advice implies "I don't want to be here with you; I want you to come here with me." For someone in the valley, this is not helpful. The valley is not traversed by advice.

3) Do not make assumptions. Do not assume you know what's really going on. Do not assume you know what a person is feeling. Do not assume you know how things are going to turn out. Because the truth is, you do not know what people are experiencing. You cannot tell by looking. And even with what they tell you, dollars to donuts you are not getting the whole story.

Again, thinking of the bombing in Boston: You do not know who you know who might have been affected by this personally, so please be kind in your comments. I've never even been to Boston and yet I received an email this week from a friend who had worked with one of the people who was killed. What are the chances of that? Much higher than you might think.

What you can do:

1) Do reach out. You may worry that people won't want to be reminded if they're having a bad time. Believe me, they haven't forgotten. In fact, one thing that's hard for people who are in the middle of the valley is feeling like they are always the ones who have to reach out. Even if you don't have anything to say, just calling someone up and saying, "Hey, I just wanted you to know I was thinking about you" can mean a whole lot. The valley can be a long hard slog and the very people who seem to be handling it best because they "don't want to bug you" are the very ones for whom a simple word will mean the most.

2) Do ask what would help. Simply saying, "What can I do for you?" even if the answer is "nothing" is helpful. You can also ask some more specific questions, like "I'm going to the store/library/downtown; is there anything you need?"

3) Do listen. You don't need to have answers. Simply ask, "What's the latest? How are you? What's going on right now? How has your day been?" and let people tell you. Even when it's not what you want to hear. Even when it's discouraging. Even when you want to jump in with something to cheer them up. Just let them tell you. Just be there.

Sometimes the hardest thing to do is simply be in the valley with people. As I said earlier, it feels like we're not doing anything. But that's not true. We're being with people, where they are, when things are hardest, even when we can't do anything about it. That's not easy. In fact, that's really hard work.

I hope you've been able to find people to be with you in the valley, and I wish you strength and good courage to accompany others.

***
Here's another article that offered helpful suggestions on how to be with people who are suffering: For a Sick Friend: First Do No Harm

And this one (which I've referenced before) sums it up in the terrifically helpful mantra Comfort IN, Dump OUT. Always good to remember.

On the feast of John Muir

Cross posted at 50 Days of Fabulous 


Read
“Everybody needs beauty as well as bread, places to play in and pray in, where nature may heal and give strength to body and soul.” — John Muir

Reflect
John Muir’s home in Martinez, a National Historic Site, is 15 miles away from where I now live. I’ve never visited. Even though it’s free and open to the public. Even though it’s open 7 days a week. Even though it’s dog-friendly. Even though I’m writing a friggin’ reflection on John Muir.

“Oh, I’ll get to it,” I say. “But first there are so many important busy things I have to do. I have plenty of time to do fun stuff later.”

And strangely, the important busy things keep knocking on my door saying, “I’m important and busy. Do you know how important and busy I am? Meet my needs!” while the John Muir house sits 15 miles away inviting me to stop by, walk around the orchard with a dog or two, enjoy the scenery.

Important and Busy say, “Don’t stop now! Don’t ever stop! Keep your head down! Focus!”

The John Muir house says, stop for a moment, look around and something new, be refreshed, be replenished.

Is it the John Muir house that’s calling me? Or is it something else? Something more fundamental.

We do not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God, Jesus tells us. And weren’t the first words that came from the mouth of God the words of creation?

I promise to visit the John Muir house. Not because I ought to. Because I want to. Because I’ve been invited. Because Important and Busy can only give me bread. And because God created all of us for more than bread alone.

Respond
Schedule the time to do something you’ve been wanting to do to feed your spirit that you’ve been putting off. Then do it!

Extra personal response:
I went by the John Muir House on Saturday with every intention of poking around, albeit briefly. As it happens, they were having an Earth Day Celebration, which would have required parking the car a long way off since the regular parking lot was full/reserved for mobility impaired, and taking a shuttle, which with three dogs was not going to happen. So we just took the photo you see up there. I'll have to go back another time. I did, however, go for a great hike on the Franklin Ridge Trail in the Carquinez Regional Shoreline Park. It was wonderful.

Various & Sundry: Because I couldn't avoid the news

It's been a hell of a week, hasn't it? And to think, just a week ago I pointed out that reading the news is bad for you and I was going to try to stop reading it so much. Yeah. I think the Onion said it best:

According to a new poll by the Pew Research Center, when reached for comment on this week, 93 percent of Americans responded “Okay, enough’s enough here, you have seriously got to be kidding me with this week,” with 84 percent saying “Is it Sunday yet? What? How in the hell are we only at Thursday? What the hell is going on?” and 100 percent of Americans responding “No, no, go ahead, just pile some more horrific shit on this hellish shitshow of a week. Have at it.”

Actually, I'd be just as happy not piling anything more on. But I've got to say, Tony Gwynn Jr.'s excellent response to a heckler is something that I can see being applicable to the nasty voices in the world -- and in one's head as well.


And this notecard captures the week perfectly, and in the most ladylike way:

I also drew some strength from this lovely reflection on breaking isolation.

And from this report from someone who was at the scene of the Boston bombing and saw many beautiful gestures of love and kindness.

And 20 Gentle Quotations from Mister Rogers.

And Patton Oswalt's perfect summation:

I hope you are well, wherever you are, and finding strength and courage within and love and support from the people around you. As Ellen DeGeneres says every day, be kind to one another.

Various & Sundry: There is no marijuana anywhere in this post. But there might be some Coke.

OK! Now that's we've gotten Holy Week and Easter (the first Sunday of) all prepped and posted, it's time to gather up the crumbs under my table. Or at least highlight some of the things I thought were interesting enough to pass along in the endless stream o' content that is Twitter.

For example, haven't you always wanted to watch an MRI of broccoli?

I think that's kind of magical.

It will just keep glowing up there as I move along to other things, such as this slightly related story (in that there are vegetables involved) of a pot bust that goes bust. Turns out that the suspects "had bought hydroponic equipment to grow a small number of tomatoes and squash plants in their basement." It also turns out the suspects had been in employ of the CIA, and did not take kindly to it when Kansas and Missouri law enforcement "armed with assault rifles and wearing bullet proof vests pounded on the door of their home around 7:30 a.m. last April 20." Sorry! Sorry everyone! I just get carried away!

Elsewhere in Missouri, my dad's alma mater, Missouri S&T, is competing in the 2013 Climate Leadership Award for Best in Campus Climate Leadership. Of course, my alma mater, Oberlin, is also competing. Where do my loyalties lie? Hmmmm...

I loved this rant by my favorite Social Media blogger, Mark Schaefer, wrote In praise of the Unremarkable, which has forever added to my lexicon the term rainbow bombs.

Looking for a new exercise program? Trying to avoid the zombie apocalypse? You might want to try a new fitness app called Zombies, Run! "The app casts users as survivors of a global zombie apocalypse. Download it onto your mobile phone, insert earbuds and prepare to be surrounded by a soundscape that transforms your favorite running route into a battle-scarred obstacle course dense with flesh-guzzling ghouls." And Margaret Atwood -- yes, that Margaret Atwood -- has a cameo voiceover.

Remember #Kony2012? Quick update: Uganda has suspended their efforts to look for Joseph Kony, due to the coup in the Central African Republic where it is believe Kony is hiding. However, the US is offering a $5M bounty for his capture as part of the War Crimes Reward Program. Did you know we have a War Crimes Reward Program? Well, now you know.

A very quick summary of the situation in CAR:

A coalition of rebels in the Central African Republic, known as Seleka, toppled President Francois Bozize last month. They swept into the capital, Bangui, in a lightning offensive that triggered days of looting and drew international condemnation.

Just to give you the bare bones of the story.

On the other hand, and on the positive side, I'm really intrigued by what the non-profit ColaLife is doing to transport medical supplies to inaccessible regions by leveraging CocaCola's distribution network.

The result of their efforts so far is the AidPod, a wedge-shaped container that fits between the necks of bottles in a Coca-Cola crate. For the pilot program, they are using the AidPods to distribute an anti-diarrhea kit, called “Kit Yamoyo” (“Kit of Life”). 

The AidPod’s are a clever packaging solution, born of a very particular design problem. Because the vision was to physically piggyback on Coke’s distribution system, they needed to work with the crates used to move the popular soda to retailers. Initial designs experimented with pouches on the side and tubes that could be slotted in place of a bottle. Neither option would have worked, as both would have meant less space for Coke. Then, genius struck. 

“My wife said, ‘Why don’t we make use of the unused space?’” says Berry.

Well, that makes sense! Here's a very short video on how that works.



Isn't that clever?

The way we think about charity is dead wrong

I've been meaning to watch this TED talk for a while and finally got around to it today, thanks to the Episcopal Cafe. I am in total agreement that our thinking about the non-profit sector and our assignment of morality to money is detrimental to work we would like to do.

As we saw in yesterday's gospel, people get very wound up about issues of money and morality. We often miss the forest for the trees.



I hope you'll take 20 minutes to watch it. Or you can read the transcript.

Various & Sundry: Oatmeal, Kittens, Rowers, Robbers

I'll have to restrain myself since I have two weeks worth of stuff that's been piling up in the List of Interesting Things. I'll try to keep it to the cream of the crop.

And you know what's good with cream? Oatmeal. Ta-Nehisi Coates doesn't only write brilliantly about racism, he also knows his way around a bowl of steel-cuts.

For those who know this great country, like I know this is great country--which is to say those who have heard the gospel of awesome oatmeal and found themselves born anew--I have glorious news. I have discovered the greatest bowl of oatmeal ever made, in the most unlikeliest place in the world. The place is Flour Bakery in the town of Cambridge.

Oh, TNC, take me there! The close-up photos of croissants and other pastries look mighty good too.

You know how there's that made-up Lorem Ipsum text that's a placeholder when you're building a website? Well, now there's PlaceKitten!

How smart is that! And how cute!

In the Inspirational Story file, I only learned this week about Team Bad Company, paralympic rowers who took bronze in London last summer. They are

Oksana Masters a young women who was adopted from the Ukraine by a single mom at the age of 7. She became an amputee as a result of radiation that caused severe birth defects; she has strived to live life to the fullest, not letting her disability define her.

Rob Jones a former US Marine. The everyday hometown hero that went to Afghanistan to serve his country; he came home an amputee as the result of an IED explosion. He decided that the losses of his legs were not the loss of his life and he has become an amazing adaptive athlete.

And they're impressive as hell. (Image from U.S. Rowing's Flickr feed)

Also inspirational and beautiful: this story about how We Found Our Son in the Subway. Just lovely.

On the depressing end of things, this report on where the money meant to rebuilt Haiti actually went just makes you want to go and kick things. Or at least I do.

So keeping with the theme of highway robbery, I loved the recent obituary for Bruce Reynolds, "the mastermind behind the Great Train Robbery" in Britain in 1963. Of course, there's always something appealing about a good mastermind.

The late Fifties and early Sixties were halcyon days. He was earning £1,000 a week from his activities and gaining the respect of the criminal fraternity. As if born to the role, he behaved with the suavity of a gentleman thief. He holidayed in the South of France, escorted women to expensive restaurants and nightclubs, patronised Jermyn Street tailors, drove Aston Martins, and mixed with the new aristocracy of actors, models, pop stars and hoods.

Besides, isn't he the spitting image of John Hodgman? Who, I must point out, has neither confirmed nor denied that he was, in fact, Bruce Reynolds.

Which one is John Hodgman? And which is a train robber? Or is John Hodgman a train robber? Only one man can decide.

\

Various & Sundry: What I read when I should have been writing the first round Lent Madness bios

I finally turned in the last of my Lent Madness first-round bios today. All that writing this week meant...a whole lot of web surfing. Here's some of the stuff that distracted me I think you will find interesting.

Let's start with the important stuff: Camel hit by car on Bailey Road in Concord. Yes, California. Yes, a real camel. As you see. I'm happy to report the camel is apparently fine.

"He's fine, he's hot and his adrenaline's pumping, but he's fine," Ferrante [who owns the trailer] said. "I have never done this before, so I can put (rescuing a camel) on my resume."

I'm sure that will impress at the next job interview. No report on the state of the minivan that hit the camel. Hope they weren't headed somewhere important because that's a tale that would not pass muster.

Also important: celebrating 80 years of marriage, as this couple did last November. John (101) and Ann (97)  Betar defied their parents' wishes to get married in 1932. They are being honored by Worldwide Marriage Encounter. "It's quite an honor," John told the Daily News, "but I don't know what it's for."

Nancy Kho wonders about what we lose when we don't need to wonder about anything any more. She asks, "will our future problem solvers – aka the kid sitting at her homework desk right now Googling 'Ideas for experiments for science fair' - have enough experience at Not Knowing to do the job? At understanding that feeling completely unmoored and fumbling around in the dark may be exactly what’s needed to find a tricky or non-obvious answer to a hard problem?" Gosh, I don't know. Where can I find the answer?

PeaceBang had two terrific posts this week. The first, in response to those people coming to the church for financial assistance because they don't want to be dependent on Government, is a real barn-burner. And the second, as Laura Ingalls Wilder endures the current blizzard in New England, is hilarious.

Mary and I are thinking that maybe Ma forgot to refill her prescription for anxiety medication but we are obediently stripping the beds. Where will we find dry hay for fresh ticking? The roads are bad, so a trip to Bed, Bath and Beyond is out of the question.

Andrew Sullivan has some thoughts about how to create actual change  and small business owner Beth Schillaci invites others to embrace your smallness.

I've started following Solemn Hulk on Twitter. He's still considering his Lenten vows.

HULK GIVING UP RAGE FOR LENT. OR MAYBE CHOCOLATE. OR MAYBE FACEBOOK. HULK HATE DECISIONS.
— SOLEMN HULK (@SOLEMNHULK) February 5, 2013

Me too, Hulk. I hear ya.