Does this make you feel great?

This week, Stephanie Drury, who is a keen observer of Christian Culture (a different animal entirely from Christianity), ran across an article recommending 62 Things to Say to Make Your Husband Feel Great. She decided to text these things to her husband and post screen shots of his responses. A few gems are below. You can read them all here and here.

Update: Bonus! Part 3!

Various & Sundry: In which I first vent about then calm myself about Mitt Romney

Boy, did Mittens get on my nerves this week. Of course, I'm not the only one, and lots of people had lots of insightful things to say about the leaked Boca Raton fundraiser video, in case anyone is still obsessing interested. Here are some of the things that I thought captured well my feelings of utter disgust some salient points.

Charlie Pierce writes, "when the One Great Scorer comes to write against Romney's name, he's going to be stumped as to whether the man was a bigger jerk than he was an incompetent. There won't be enough whiskey in heaven for the OGS to resolve this, so he'll just fill in the box marked "Both" and move right along."

Jonathan Chait writes, "the video exposes an authentic Romney as a far more sinister character than I had imagined. Here is the sneering plutocrat, fully in thrall to a series of pernicious myths that are at the heart of the mania that has seized his party."

And Ezra Klein writes, "The working poor haven’t abdicated responsibility for their lives. They’re drowning in it."

In the "rather laugh than cry" column, Hitler has a few words to say about the video leak, and John Oliver and Andy Zaltzman profile Empathy Magazine's 2012 Man of the Year award winner in this week's The Bugle podcast.

In the more cheerful world of obituary news, this week we mark the lives of Sister Mary Rose McGeady who resuscitated Covenant House, an organization that helps homeless youth; Joshua Morse III, the dean who integrated Ole Miss law school--in 1963; and Jerome Horwitz who created the AIDS medication AZT, and didn't get a penny for it. Makers not takers, all.

Oh, did I say that out loud?

Deep cleansing breaths.

And if there's one thing that will give me some perspective and empathy, it is reading this beautiful letter by Ted Hughes to his son about the suffering of the child within.

Usually, that child is a wretchedly isolated undeveloped little being. It’s been protected by the efficient armour, it’s never participated in life, it’s never been exposed to living and to managing the person’s affairs, it’s never been given responsibility for taking the brunt. And it’s never properly lived. That’s how it is in almost everybody. And that little creature is sitting there, behind the armour, peering through the slits. And in its own self, it is still unprotected, incapable, inexperienced. Every single person is vulnerable to unexpected defeat in this inmost emotional self.

Followed by The Maccabeats who have taught me everything I now know about Rosh Hashanah. Be sure to check out the lyrics on their YouTube channel.

Sunday Funnies

Here's one of the reviews for Anybody Can Be Cool at Amazon:

Coolness always came easily to me. Whether over a game of cribbage with my pals, or a shared float at the malt shop, I really emanated a significant amount of "cool"...I'm not going to lie. People would be heard to remark "Mike, you are cool". This wasn't just once or twice.

This all changed the day I met Chet out by the bleachers...

There he was, on that brisk autumn afternoon, his feathered blondness in stunning contrast to the fallen leaves. He was reading a passage from the Book of Ezekiel to his friends Chin-qui, Ugabe, Svetlana and Rosa. How emphatically and with what enthusiasm did he read! After finishing, there was a marked minute of silence, followed by "Chet....you are AWESOME!".

My world came crashing down. I had always thought "cool" was the highest adjective one could aspire to. How could I compete with "awesome"?

I must have said that last part out loud, because Chet handed me the book I'm currently reviewing, which for some reason had the exact same scene I was looking at one the cover, and said "Mike, you don't need to compete with awesome...you can BECOME awesome! But it'll take practice".

And practice I did. Through diligent commitment and daily sacrifice, I now too am able to attract groups of visible minorities whenever I read from the bible on the schoolyard.

If you are evil like me, you will want to read all the reviews.

h/t Jan at A Church for Starving Artists

Rogation days: Beating the Bounds

Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday of this week (the three days before Ascension Day) are Rogation Days, from the Latin "rogare" which means to ask and during which people prayed to God for a good harvest and safety from natural disasters. In Elizabethan England (and beyond) people would also "beat the bounds," walking around the perimeter of the parish lands, "to share the knowledge of where they lay, and to pray for protection and blessings for the lands."

I was going to be all reverent about this practice, but then I read this:

The priest of the parish with the churchwardens and the parochial officials headed a crowd of boys who, armed with green boughs, usually birch or willow, beat the parish boundary markers with them. Sometimes the boys were themselves whipped or even violently bumped on the boundary-stones to make them remember. The object of taking boys is supposed to ensure that witnesses to the boundaries should survive as long as possible.

Well, that's one way to do it, I suppose.

Strange Britain reports that

Curiously, certain stones, trees or other marker points around the boundary would also be beaten by literally bumping a boy (often a choirboy) against the mark. The boy would be suspended upside down and his head gently tapped against the stone or he would be taken by the feet and hands and swung against a tree!

Photographic evidence:

To be honest, doesn't that sound like something a lot of the boys at church would love? To be swung by your hands and feet by the boundaries of the church? Not violently, but, you know, for fun. If they wanted. I could see kids vying for the opportunity. OK, so it's strange and arcane, but goodness, it could be kind of fun.

Add that to the lovely prayers for the day, and you might have yourself quite the intergenerational event

I hope you're able to get out and about today to see what's going on in your neighborhood, to enjoy creation, and to discover ways we can be better stewards of God's good gifts. And if you see any choirboys, make sure to bop 'em on the head.

O merciful Creator, your hand is open wide to satisfy the needs of every living creature: Make us always thankful for your loving providence; and grant that we, remembering the account that we must one day give, may be faithful stewards of your good gifts; through Jesus Christ our Lord, who with you and the Holy Spirit lives and reigns, one God, for ever and ever. Amen.

Preview of coming attractions

Years ago, my mother and I went on a grand tour of the UK. The highlight for me was our time in Edinburgh, and the highlight of my time in Edinburgh was learning the story of Burke and Hare.

You know about Burke and Hare, right? Edinburgh, the Athens of Europe, was home to the finest medical school around. Cadavers, however, were hard to come by. The only legitimate cadavers for medical study were executed criminals, leaving anatomists in short supply. There was, however, a healthy trade in grave robbing, the grave robbers commonly being known as Resurrectionists.

Enter William Burke and William Hare who decided to cut out the middleman, so to speak, and do the killing themselves. They were eventually caught; Hare turned crown's witness, leaving Burke to be condemned and his body to be publicly autopsied at the medical school.

I loved this story. Yes, well, I have a grisly turn of mind. So you can imagine how thrilled I was to learn that it is being turned into a movie starring Simon Pegg as William Burke. Simon is also the title character in one of my favorite movies, the start of my zombie obsession, Shaun of the Dead ("A romantic comedy. With zombies.").

I'm also pleased that Burke and Hare is being filmed as a black comedy--just as I might have hoped--at the legendary Ealing Studios. And it also stars John Cleese, Tom Wilkinson and Isla Fisher. Due out late in 2010. I can't wait! Here's hoping it turns out bee-yu-ti-ful-ly. And delectably dark.

From the theological closet: Good Christian = Happy Christian

Reading these books made me think of an unexpressed but strongly implied belief from my childhood--namely, that if you are unhappy, there is something wrong with your Walk With The Lord.

Sunday School in junior high and high school always started with a few songs. Here's one of the ones we sang practically every week throughout junior high school.

It's a happy day
and I just love the weather!
It's a happy day
and I'm livin' it for my Lord.
(shoo-be-doo-bop-bop)
It's a happy day
and things are gonna get better
livin' each day by the promises in God's Word.
It's a happy day, oh yeah!

verse two went like this:

It's a grumpy day
and I can't stand the weather.
It's a grumpy day
and I'm living it for myself
(phlllbbbt)
It's a grumpy day
and things aren't gonna get better
livin' each day with the Bible on my shelf.
It's a grumpy day, oh yeah.

OK, so how bad is this theology? Pretty darn bad. But, boy, this song has stuck with me now for over 30 years. And it came roaring back with the desperate up-beatness of the people Kevin Roose encountered at Liberty University.

When I was looking at colleges, I looked for about 20 seconds at Wheaton College, a Christian college in Illinois. I couldn't do it for two reasons: one was the intellectual dishonesty I heard in the tour when our tour guide told us that there were rules against drinking, smoking, and dancing, "not that we think dancing is wrong, but it's tradition;" and the other was seeing the encounters between people on campus, over-exuberant to the point of being unnerving. "Hyper-happy Christians," I labeled it to my parents afterwards.

I mean, I'm a person who reads obituaries for fun. Can you imagine how much it would annoy me to have people constantly telling me to cheer up? Smile, God loves you? I hate that. And the implication that if you're unhappy or don't like the weather it's because you're living for yourself--boy, is that pernicious. This has got to go. Out. Not even to Goodwill with you. In the trash.

I'm going to go be grumpy now. And I'm going to enjoy it. Phhlllbbbt.

Sunday funnies

Don't blame me, blame MadPriest who blames Janis.

**

After three weeks in the Garden of Eden, God came to visit Eve.

"So, how is everything going?" inquired God.

"It is all so beautiful, God," she replied. "The sunrises and sunsets are breathtaking, the smells, the sights, everything is wonderful, but I have just one problem. It's these breasts you have given me. The middle one pushes the other two out and I am constantly knocking them with my arms, catching them on branches and snagging them on bushes. They're a real pain."

And Eve went on to tell God that since many other parts of her body came in pairs, such as her limbs, eyes, ears, etc. She felt that having only two breasts might leave her body more "symmetrically balanced".

"That's a fair point," replied God, "But it was my first shot at this, you know. I gave the animals six breasts, so I figured that you needed only half of those, but I see that you are right. I will fix it up right away."

And God reached down, removed the middle breast and tossed it into the bushes.

Three weeks passed and God once again visited Eve in the Garden of Eden.

"Well, Eve, how is my favorite creation?"

"Just fantastic," she replied, "But for one oversight. You see, all the animals are paired off. The ewe has a ram and the cow has her bull. All the animals have a mate except me.. I feel so alone. "

God thought for a moment and said, "You know, Eve, you are right. How could I have overlooked this? You do need a mate and I will immediately create a man from a part of you. Let's see....where did I put that useless boob?"

Evil thought of the day

I wonder if the meteorological people were tempted to name the current hurricane "George."