Santa Meltdown!

A friend of mine always posts the best family updates on Facebook. She gave me permission to reveal the following touching family vignette.

It's the most wonderful time of the year. Isn't it?

I Had A Baby And All I Got Was An Adult With Independent Decision Making Capabilities

The Bad Advisor repurposes real letters from advice columns and adds her own unique spin, "Telling advice column letter writers what they actually wanted to hear." I thought this one was pretty fabulous. 

Dear Abby, 30 August 2013:

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have two beautiful, hardworking daughters we brought up as loving, respectful parents. Recently, “Kellie,” 25, got tattoos covering her right arm, leg and ankle as well as her shoulders. They are visible unless she wears long sleeves and long pants. This has ruined our relationship because it shows how little she thinks of us as parents, and how disrespectful of our feelings she is to put the tattoos where everyone can see them. She knows we don’t like tattoos because we have mentioned it to her and voiced our disappointment when she got the first one on her ankle. I can’t sleep at night or look at my daughter knowing how little she cares about our feelings. I feel it’s a slap in the face that she doesn’t honor, respect or love us. What do you think? — BESIDE MYSELF IN FORT WORTH

Dear Beside Myself In Fort Worth,

If your daughter can afford to get all these heinous marks of Satan on her body, she can also afford to buy you some sleeping pills to prove that she loves you, which she is obligated to do in her every action and thought by clearing literally everything she does and thinks with you first in order to receive your explicit approval, which is the textbook definition of love and respect.

Who has children just to see them grow up to become autonomous humans who don’t cater to every whim and desire of their boundlessly generous creators, who want only exactly what they want for their offspring and nothing else in basic repayment for existence on planet earth?

But since tattoos are irrefutable proof of a 25-year-old adult’s hate for her parents, I wouldn’t hold out for a decent night’s sleep. Your daughter gets tattoos solely to spite you, because you are the center of the known universe.

Various & Sundry: Mostly things you're not sick of hearing about

It has been a long time, my friends, and goodness knows there are lots of things I could share with you today. But I will try to contain myself and keep it to the bare essentials, the most important and up-to-date...ummm...updates.

For example, we're all still talking about Miley Cyrus, right? I know there's been all sorts of stuff flitting about but I think all except this one article have missed the real issue, here: the terrible music.

Why do your children listen to knock-offs of Marvin Gaye? Why don’t they just listen to Marvin Gaye? Don’t you have Marvin Gaye records lying around, for crying out loud? Marvin Gaye sang about sex, but in a sexy way. Not in a rapey way. For example: while Marvin Gaye sings lines such as “You can love me when you want to, babe // This is such a groovy party, baby” in “Got to Give It Up”, a song that Thicke acknowledged being inspired by and preemptively sued the Gaye family re: copyright infringement allegations , Thicke sings “You the hottest bitch in the place". Since this is a blog post about shitty taste in music and not about feminism, I will ignore the fact that this is an incredibly offensive lyric and zero in on the fact that “you the hottest bitch in the place” is just plain ol’ incorrect English. Instead of worrying about your children watching scantily clad women being dry humped by men who could be their father, you should be more concerned about your children dropping verbs from their sentences.

Exactly so. May I have my curmudgeon card now?

It's strange that we're still talking about this almost one week later, given this eerily accurate description of the attention span of Twitter:

Also exactly so.

On to even more important things: your acting lesson from the week by Sir Patrick Stewart, who reviews previous lessons on the single-, double-, and triple-take, and moves into the extremely difficult quadruple-take. It is so difficult, he actually flubs it.



I deeply appreciated Jessica Creech's post Goodbye Church, Hello God. I feel like I'm in a similar place, in which going to church on Sundays is often not worth the cost of making that effort. Which is no sign of burn-out or loss of faith. It's...something else.

I wonder what has finally happened to the Bay Bridge Troll. Yes, troll, not toll. I will feel better knowing it has a good home when the new bridge opens next week.

Oh, update: "The troll will stay where it is for now, because there will be workers tearing down the old bridge and they will need protection. (This kind of quotidian witchcraft is quite head-spinning.) Later, it will be removed and put in a safe place somewhere near the bridge." I am relieved.

But you know what's even better than having a guardian troll under your bridge? Having a brand new puppy under your chair. Sam has arrived. Want to say hello?

A Postcard Postmortem Post

Note: This is total Episcopal Church inside baseball. If that's not your thing, I'd advise you to skip this post entirely.

So there was a kerfuffle in the Episcopal Church over the past couple of days -- not the usual kerfuffle, about human sexuality and/or property disputes. This was a much gentler and intimate kerfuffle about how we want to represent our denomination to those outside our immediate circle through outbound marketing materials.

The materials in question took the form of slogans that could be printed off as postcards. As noted by Adam Trambley and others, these materials were problematic. And by "problematic" I mean very bad. I'll talk more about them below.

To our denomination's great credit, the church center responded to the criticism by taking down the postcards and putting up this message:

That said, there isn't actually a way for someone to direct feedback about this campaign to the people or department in charge that I could find. As an initial suggestion, I would love it if the church center would include a link on this page to allow people to give feedback or answer a survey -- or something.

But I am going to take them up on their encouragement to share ideas and criticisms, which I think are still appropriate. This is not in order to beat a horse that's already been put out of its misery, but because I think it will be helpful to analyze what went wrong in order to consider what needs to happen next.

But first a few more general comments:

1) We need to move beyond print media. This campaign was designed for "postcards, ads, and billboards." Why limit ourselves to these forms of media when there are so many easy ways for people to share online? There's no mention of using these on Facebook, even though people did indeed share the visuals that way. There's no mention of embedding the graphics in the church's website, or encouraging people to use it as a badge on their blogs with, say, a link to their local congregation. There are lots of creative ways to make content shareable. Which leads to the next point:

2) We need to move beyond ads coming from the institution itself. The hard truth is people don't trust ads coming from brands or companies saying "buy me!"; they trust their friends. This is not news. And this holds true for The Episcopal Church as a "brand" as well. Sending out a postcard -- even a good one -- that comes from the institutional church saying "Hey, we're great! You should totally check us out!" is not going to be nearly as effective as helping the members of church talk positively about its place in our lives. I mean, look at this chart.

Speaking of the church...

3) We've got to stop talking about the church as "a place people go to on Sundays."  Or at least as if that were its only manifestation. What I hope we mean by "The Episcopal Church welcomes you" is that we who worship God as part of the church in the Episcopal tradition will love you and care for you whether or not you ever darken the doors of one of our buildings. We welcome you by our prayers for the world, by our advocacy efforts, by our service projects, by the Christian formation that we bring to the work that we do day by day. And of course we invite you to share in this way of being the church because we think it has a lot to offer.

Speaking of which...

4) What do we have to offer? One of the real problems and turn-offs of the recent ad campaign is that it sent the message that the only thing desired was to get butts in pews. And it makes me wonder: is there, in fact, any other outcome we actually want? What do we have to offer? Because "you should join us" is not actually telling me anything.

So. Let's take a look at those ads:

Ad #1: Aside from the tinge of the guilt trip about this ("you never call, you never write..."), my other big complaint about the text is that it tells a person absolutely nothing about the Episcopal Church. Is the Episcopal Church 2,000 years old? No? So what are you talking about? What is it? Where is it? What does it stand for? Why on earth should I show up? If you're surprised to see me, are you really welcoming me?

This one also exemplifies complaints 3 and 4, above. Is there any welcome outside of Sunday? What if I work on Sunday? What if my kid has soccer? What do you have for me then? What do you have to offer me?

Ad #2: Oy vey. "Priests play golf too"? First of all, I don't play golf. I'm trying to think of any priest I know who plays golf. Most priests I know have neither the time nor the money to play golf. Most priests I know finish services on Sundays and go take a nap. So there's that. It's just plain weird and has no relationship to the church I know.

And then consider: You send this to a household with a single mom, what does this say to her? You send this to a household where someone lost his job, what does this say to him? It says (for one thing) that I, as a priest, feel most connected to (to use an unfair shorthand) the country club set. Yes, here in the Episcopal Church, we priests like to cut that boring ol' "worship" short to get to the really important stuff: hob-nobbing with the quality. Like us.

Here's my issue with Ad #3: if people in our communities can't see what we have been doing between Easter and Christmas, maybe the problem is with us. Can we instead say "Here's what we've been doing since Easter" with a photo montage of Episcopalians Doing Things.

That's another issue with this ad campaign as a whole: there's not a single image. It makes for a very passive, sterile kind of campaign, and it implies that The Episcopal Church is devoid of people or activity. And that's just plain not true.

We have good stuff to share. The reason this ad campaign bugged me so much is that it sold our denomination woefully short. We can do so much better. I think everyone has realized that.

Again, huge kudos to The Episcopal Church for listening to the criticism and pulling the campaign. Moving forward, I would love to see a campaign that's more generally shareable rather than institutionally driven. And I'd love a campaign that focuses on the fact that the Church reaches far beyond Sunday morning services and shows Episcopalians in all orders of ministry actively engaged in the work of the kingdom of God.

Various & Sundry: I'm fairly sure this is not the dumbest thing on the internet

*Yawn!* Where did the week go? I had so many things I thought about posting this week. But did it happen? Well, you tell me.

So you're stuck with the usual mish-mash of things. I hope you enjoy them.

I take comfort in knowing that I am not the dumbest thing on the internet. So says Erin Faulk, who you may remember from her adventures in finding Matt Damon in Morocco. People (apparently) commented harshly, which she says is like that guy at the cocktail party who has no social sense and has to respond to your story by saying, "That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard."

I mean, think about that. There is literally no point in time in which you are the dumbest thing on the internet. Have you seen the internet? YOU ARE NOT THE DUMBEST THING ON THE INTERNET. That will always be true. Statistically, in your lifetime, that will always be true. There will always be someone dumber than you on the internet. Geraldo Rivera tweeted a half-naked selfie last night. I mean, ffs, YOU ARE NOT THE DUMBEST THING ON THE INTERNET. 

Remember that the next time you think about saying something. You are not the dumbest thing on the internet. No matter what anyone else says - and trust me, people will say things - you just aren’t. You may not have the best story to tell, or the smartest take on whatever breaking news is currently breaking, but you’re not the biggest idiot out there either.

Pauline Baird Jones says something similar as she remembers when she was 5 and puked on her tutu right before the big dance recital.

The risk we face in the journey to becoming isn’t dying, it’s puking on our tutu. That fear feels like dying. Fear dresses itself up like the safer choice, it’s the un-puked on tutu, the path of common sense, and it smiles and soothes while it kills our hopes, our dreams, our becoming.

And so I post without regret the exceedingly nerdy post The Most Interesting Theologians In the World which tracks the Twitter exchange between two theology PhDs who had nothing better to do, and I am better for it. In a nerdy sort of way. For example:

Tillich: "I don't always talk about the absolute, but when I do, I do so with ultimate concern. Stay courageous, my friends."
— David Congdon (@dwcongdon) July 24, 2013

"I don't always scout 2nd generation reformers, but when I do, I pick winners. Stay Genevan, my friends." - Martin Bucer
— W. Travis McMaken (@WTravisMcMaken) July 25, 2013

Well, I warned you!

On Goodreads, I posted a couple of book reviews that I thought I would be posting on the blog, but never got around to. I highly recommend both Story of a Girl and Committed, if you're interested.

I also loved this performance from this week's episode of So You Think You Can Dance (which is a terrific show). What I loved about it was that ultimately, the woman released herself. The dance starts at ~1:20, if you want to get right to it.



What do you think?

Various & Sundry: Courage from start to finish

I love my little blog. It's just so satisfying, being able to share what's on my mind and have it actually reach other people. It's nerve-wracking, too, of course, and I'm glad I am an obscure little bit player in the blogosphere, but as a writing person, I think blogging is great exercise. If you're wondering about blogging yourself, I'd recommend that you read Mark Shaefer's post 10 Maxims of Successful Blogging. Here are maxims 1 and 2:

1. We live in an increasingly information-dense world. The only way to stand out is to dig down deep and bring your own story to the world. Your point of differentiation is you. You have no competitors. Write a blog post that only you could write.  

 2. The biggest challenge to blogging isn’t having the time, the ideas, or the resources to do it. It’s having the courage to do it. It takes guts to put yourself out there in front of the world. You can’t learn that. You just have to do it.

Actually, I think that's about more than just blogging, don't you?

In other writing news, the editor for the obituary page of the Daily Telegraph (London) explains how to write a good obituary:

You know that James Harrison is going to have a good obituary, when the day comes. Harrison has a rare form of blood plasma that prevents Rhesus disease, a condition where antibodies in a pregnant woman’s blood destroy her baby's blood cells. He has been donating blood an average of once every three weeks for over 50 years and is estimated to have saved 2.4 million babies. Makes me wonder when I'm next eligible to give blood.

Here's who else is not in the obituary pages this week: Debbie Harry, who is, instead, featured in Vogue Spain, 67 years old and looking absolutely fabulous. As Tom and Lorenzo explain (well, mostly Tom), Debbie Harry taught Tom "that being fabulous is the very best 'fuck you' one can give to a world determined to tear you down, and that drama, beauty and glamour were good for the soul when so many people around you seem to be striving for mediocrity." Given that yesterday, I wasn't sure whether I'd actually brushed my hair that day, I think I could be doing better in learning this lesson.

I did not look like this yesterday. Or any day, for that matter.

Then again, I don't look like Hitler either. Unlike some tea kettles I could name. JC Penney got in trouble this week when someone pointed out that the kettle on a billboard near Culver City had a decidedly Third-Reich-like cast to it. This gave rise to the following lead in Business Insider:

JCPenney has officially denied that a tea kettle being advertised on a billboard on the 405 Interstate near Culver City, Calif., is intended to represent Adolf Hitler, the Nazi dictator during World War II.

What's your favorite part? Is it the "officially denied"? Or (my favorite) that they explain who Adolf Hitler is?

Here, by the way, was JC Penney's official response:

@telegraph Certainly unintended. If we'd designed the kettle to look like something, we would've gone w/a snowman: twitter.com/jcpenney/statu…
— jcpenney (@jcpenney) May 28, 2013

Well, naturally.

I understand JC Penney is having a hard time of it these days, and they may want to read this post, or at least follow its wonderful advice: "There is no silver bullet. There are only lead bullets." Really, that's better advice than you'd think. Sometimes you just have to fight that good fight.

But wouldn't you rather watch bath time for baby sloths? I know I would.

Various & Sundry: only slightly holy

I hope you're having a wonderful Holy Week. So far for me it's been terrific, very meaningful. Pinterest has played a surprisingly large role in that -- particularly the work of Pastor Joelle Colville-Hanson who does a wonderful job curating religious images and art, sorting them by books of the Bible or particular narratives. Her board for The Last Supper and the Garden of Gethsemene is stunning.

The Last Supper of Jesus -- Andre Derain

Source: wikipaintings.org via Pastorjoelle on Pinterest

Here endeth the Holy Week references for today. From here on out, it's odds and ends.

In case you have ever wondered, "Who are these people who buy semi-automatic weapons anyway?" you might be interested in this excerpt from the book Gun Guys: A Road Trip which came out earlier this month. The Author Dan Baum "is both a lifelong gun guy and a Jewish Democrat who grew up in suburban New Jersey feeling like a 'child of a bitter divorce with allegiance to both parents.' In Gun Guys he grabs his licensed concealed handgun and hits the road to meet some of the 40 percent of Americans who own guns." Given the excerpt, I think this would be a good and informative read. This interview with Baum was...a bit shocking, actually. Meaning, he does not support my point of view 100 percent. The outrage!

I appreciated this post about The Art of Puttering that correctly marks the difference between puttering and multitasking. "Puttering, unlike multitasking, is not marked by a sense of urgency. Puttering allows for breaks in the work, for a cup of coffee or even a burst of play." I love puttering.

Here are some pandas, showing how it's done:



Perhaps these are Luke's sympathy pandas for being thumped in the finals of Lent Madness.

Someone from the Lent Madness Stable o' Snark sent me this tweet:

oh @heytoepfer, here's an obit for our obit fan CB. It involves Jesus and a NASCAR driver. sbnation.com/2013/3/26/4149…
— Lent Madness (@LentMadness) March 26, 2013

How right this mystery person was, Laurie. The obit has the classic lede:

"Timothy Wayne 'Tim' Hopkins, 54, went to be with our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and Dale Earnhardt to contribute his building and painting expertise to the constructing of many heavenly mansions on Saturday, March 23, 2013, in Memphis." 

Fantastic!

Finally, here's a great obituary for you March Madness fans: Bud Palmer, credited with creating the jump shot, died a little over a week ago at the age of 91.

Palmer could remember no eureka moment, although at age 6 he was so small and weak that he had to launch his shots with a leap. He knew he had shot them regularly as a student at Phillips-Exeter Academy in the late 1930s. He realized, he said, that “if I dribble, and stop, and jump, I will have an advantage.”

When he tried out for the Knicks in 1946, it was still so odd that Coach Neal Cohalen thundered, “What the hell kind of shot is that?”

 I can just imagine the Times obit writer thinking, "Jackpot!" when he got this quote to end the article:

As a Knick, Palmer roomed on the road with Sweetwater Clifton, one of the first black players in the N.B.A. He once confronted a hotel manager in Baltimore to demand, successfully, that Clifton be allowed to stay. 

Later, after a few beers in their room, Clifton told his friend, “Damn, for a white boy, you sure can jump.”

When you have nothing to hide

I love this.

Dear spammers: I consider it highly unlikely that a 1400 yr old Cathedral is in a compromising photo which has caused you to laugh out loud
— Ripon Cathedral (@riponcathedral) March 9, 2013

Various & Sundry: Hitler, the Vicar of Dibley, Kurt Vonnegut, Schopenhauer, and three amazing women

I learned the other day that Google Reader, from which I get all my blog feeds, will be eliminated in July. I feel a bit like Hitler about that.




On the plus side, though, there's a new Vicar of Dibley sketch coming out! I can't wait to see it.

Are you preaching this Sunday? Are you wondering why Jesus said, "The poor you will always have with you"? Kurt Vonnegut, in his one and only sermon, has a persuasive take on that.

I've been thinking a lot about health and medical issues recently, and this article about the history of cardiac care was eye-opening. It did not say anything that I expected it to say regarding clinical trials on many common cardiac procedures, like bypasses and angioplasty.

The results raise a philosophical question of the goal of medical treatment: alleviating symptoms or lengthening lives? “How much is it worth investing in a surgical procedure, with all its risks,” he asks, “if all you’re doing is relieving symptoms?”

In philosophical news, I highly recommend this imagined conversation drawn from the writings of Megachurch Positivity Pastor Joel Osteen and Megadepressing Philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer. Unless you are inclined to despair. In which case you might want to skip the next pull-out quote.

OSTEEN: Well, guess what, Arthur! Our life is a gift from God, and the appropriate response to His gift is joy.

SCHOPENHAUER: Human existence, far from bearing the character of a gift, has entirely the character of a debt that has been contracted. The calling in of this debt appears in the form of the pressing wants, tormenting desires, and endless misery established through this existence.

Thank you for coming this morning, Arthur. Continue to be a sunbeam for Jesus.

I have to say, though, speaking of cheery things, this week had a bumper crop of obituaries of fascinating women who lived long and amazing lives.

There's Princess Lilian of Sweden, born Lillian May Davies in Swansea. "She originally spelt her name with two “l”s, but changed to Lilian when she adopted a career variously described as fashion model, ballerina and singer." Doesn't she look fabulous?

Then there's Lady Malcolm Douglas-Hamilton (103), the New York Socialite who started Bundles for Britain at the outbreak of World War II and is the only non-British woman to receive an honorary Commander of the British Empire. The 13th Duke of Hamilton, Lord Malcolm Douglas-Hamilton, was her fourth husband. (The obit notes she was a devout Christian and a member of St. Thomas' on 5th Avenue. "The fashionable St. Thomas' church," it says.)

And finally, there's Dorothy DeBolt who had six children of her own, and then adopted 14 more, most of them with special needs. She also started the organization Adopt a Special Kid (AASK), which is in nearby Oakland, CA, and was part of an Academy-award winning documentary about the family.

I especially loved the final paragraph of the obit:

Two children, J.R. and Twe, died as adults. Along with her husband, Dorothy DeBolt's survivors include her children, Mike, Mimi, Stephanie, Noel, Kim, Marty, Melanie, Doni, Ly, Dat, Trang, Phong, Tich, Anh, Reynaldo, Sunee, Karen and Wendy, 27 grandchildren, six great-grandchildren, and her brother, Art Nortier.

From the annals of Law Enforcement Social Media

From the Solihull Police in the West Midlands, UK.

The UK legal definition of an offensive weapon is any article made or adapted for use for causing injury to the person...
— Solihull Police (@SolihullPolice) February 28, 2013

.@aeromad No, technically a Justin Bieber CD is not an actual Offensive Weapon.
— Solihull Police (@SolihullPolice) February 28, 2013

And for anyone wanting a dose of police dog cuteness, the West Midlands Police has a Flickr Feed. Awwww.

Sunday Funnies, August 12

I do love this, even though I probably shouldn't.

Found via Twitter.

"What's the Fuss About?" Sunday: 8 Tips for creating a more welcoming church

It seems to me that this Sunday is an amazing opportunity for Episcopal Churches to reach out to people in the community and introduce themselves.  I mean, you've had publicity that money can't buy, what with editorials in the NY Times and the Wall Street Journal as well as amazing rebuttals to said editorials in the Huffington Post and elsewhere.

I say strike while the iron's hot! Let's quit talking back and forth amongst ourselves and to the critics, and reach out to people who have no clue what the Episcopal Church is or what it's about but might be curious to know.

Easy for me to say, not being a parochial priest (oh, and that right there? That's inside baseball lingo--"what's a parochial priest?" is the kind of question the person I'm thinking about will be asking--or really doesn't care about at all). That being said, here's some thoughts on what I would suggest to make "What's the Fuss About?" Sunday a welcoming event for your parish.

1. Use both newfangled social media and old fashioned elbow grease to publicize the heck out of it quickly There's the sexy newfangled ways of publicizing things: Creating and sharing an event on Facebook seems an obvious point of entry. Then there's blogging (not just yours; what about your parishioners? blogs pertaining to community news?), twitter, enewsletters (again: not just your church's enewsletters), posting a special announcement on your Yelp profile (what? You haven't checked your church's Yelp profile?) or Foursquare page. But then there's the down and dirty analog methods. Write a press release! Leaflet the neighborhood! Or--here's a thought--create flyers and put them on the windshields of cars at the local grocery store!

2.  Create an avenue to ask for feedback One of the most invaluable gifts any new people can give you is the gift of their perspective. What helped them? What didn't? What was confusing? What was welcoming? What impression did your church give them overall? I'm thinking create an insert for your bulletin that has a link to an online survey so that people who attend can give their anonymous, honest feedback. They don't even have to be new. (I know people will do this last, but you'll need time to get it in place.)

3.  One word: SIGNAGE! Why do you think real estate agents put out signs when they're hosting an open house? People see a sign and drop in. Put a couple of signs out where people driving by can see them.

4. Have your ushers stand outside the doors on Sunday You know what's the hardest thing to do when you go to a new church? Walk through the doors. I say this as a person who goes to new churches as a priest incognito. If I find it difficult, if I find those church doors imposing, imagine what it's like for people for whom church is a completely foreign environment. If you have some friendly folks outside who can help with that very difficult threshold (literally), people will find it easier to enter.

5. Announce up front that people can come and go Thank people for coming. Let go of the desire to turn any of these folks into members. This is your gift to them to see who you are as a congregation and as a denomination.

Kudos to you, Church of the Advent, Birmingham!

6. Have a welcoming table! If you have ever visited a megachurch, you'll see they do welcoming really well. One thing they do is provide a way for newcomers to get information in a way that is non-threatening. You know one thing that is not non-threatening? Having newcomers stand up. You know another thing that is not non-threatening? Having your newcomers wear a badge that loudly proclaims "NEWCOMER!" so that old-time members can ostensibly approach the mortified newcomer and say hello. You know what works instead? MAKING THE WELCOMERS STAND OUT SO THE NEWCOMERS CAN BLEND IN! Having the welcomers at a station such as a table with materials on it can allow newcomers to sidle over, ask questions if they wish, and talk with friendly people. Kind of like being in the exhibit hall at General Convention. And have a little more than that old registry for visitors, would you? Make sure there's information for them, not just data for you.

7. Have a clear message about your congregation and about the Episcopal Church If there is one thing you want people to know, what is it? How can you convey that in your words and in your actions? If the one thing you want people know is "The Episcopal Church welcomes you," how can your bulletin say, "We welcome you"? Your sermon? Your announcements? Your coffee hour?

8. Beware the curse of knowledge! I remember going to a new church one time and a person got up for announcements and said something like "The Blabbety Guild will meet at the usual time in the Falalalala Room for our monthly movie night." Now, I like movies. I might have liked to go to the movie night. I didn't have a clue a) if I was invited; b) what the "usual time" was; or c) where the Falalalala Room might be. Beware the curse of knowledge! (See also: "parochial priest," above.) Put yourself in a newcomer's shoes. Look with your special eyes. Or if you, like me, tend to slip, say up front, "If I'm saying something that's unfamiliar jargon, please let me know."Oh, and hint: most people do not care about General Convention minutiae.

So anyway. There's my 2 cents. Obviously, some of these suggestions might be useful for more than one special Sunday.

As far as a potential "What's the Fuss About?" Sunday goes, given that I thought this up while driving home today, you may have more well-thought-through plans or ideas than I do. Please leave them in the comments!

Sunday Funnies, May 27

I tried to find something related to Memorial Day, or Pentecost, or the 75th anniversary of the Golden Gate Bridge. But finally, I just had to share this because I think it's brilliant!

I bet they sold a lot of meatball sandwiches.

h/t Happy Place

Sunday Funnies, Oscar edition

What it would look like if this year's Best Picture nominees had a hostile conversation on Facebook.

Full conversation here.

Various & Sundry, September 23

Let's see...shall we start with the news? Now here's a headline you don't see every day: Gordon Ramsay's Dwarf Porn Double Found Dead in a Badger Den in Wales. Of course, if you saw it every day, it wouldn't be news, I suppose.

I thought this story in the NY Times was very touching. A regular business blogger there received a heartfelt apology from a former employee he'd had to fire 10 years ago. As the blogger, Jay Goltz, said, "On paper, business is about marketing, management and finance. In reality, it is also about relationships: the good, the bad and the ugly." And later, "I now realize that just because you try and fail with someone doesn’t mean you are a fool. It means you are a boss." Or maybe just human. Really lovely, and about so much more than business.

In the world of social media, I just finished posting a series of blog entries on the Cephas Media site on Starting a Twitter Feed: Follow graciously, Interact generously, Share consistently, Grow Patiently. I think they're pretty good, if I do say so myself. If you're trying to figure out how to use Twitter, or whether to bother, take a look.

One obit I particularly noticed was that of Stetson Kennedy, an investigative journalist who infiltrated and exposed the KKK, revealing in particular "how silly they were."

I can't imagine why someone would think I would be interested in the Run For Your Life 5K Obstacle Course. "Runners will navigate a series of 12 obstacles throughout a 5K course in an attempt to reach the finish line — all while avoiding zombies. At the end of this adventure race, you get to celebrate survival (or zombie transformation) with live entertainment and music, local celebrities, vendors, food, and of course, beer!" Frankly, I'm glad there isn't one locally. I'm sure I'd be dead.

Finally, a friend of mine posted this to my Facebook page about a woman pastor's dark secret. I admire the way they built suspense through the video. Oh, those Unitarian ministers!

Various & Sundry, September 16

A quick update on Harper's Cone of Shame: I am now sporting a great many arc-shaped bruises on the back of my calves from where Harper has been ramming me with said cone.  I am also very glad to report that she is no longer wearing said cone.

All right, a few tidbits:

From the world of Social Media, I loved this article listing 5 signs your organization is ready to use social media--and 5 signs it isn't.  The article says it's about healthcare, but I say substitute, oh, church, for example, for healthcare, and it works just as well. (The "it isn't" list is particularly helpful.)

Although for the most part I am feeling some serious 9/11 fatigue, I was still moved by this book of photos that reports on the lives of the now-elderly dogs who took part of the rescue efforts in 2001.

Also in books, I loved this snippet of history about the man behind the Hardy Boys, Nancy Drew, the Bobbsey Twins, and Tom Swift, among others. He himself apparently wrote more than 1,300 books.  Now, that's prolific.

I don't know if you heard the story about the three passengers detained after a flight to Detroit because they were "suspiciously" Indian and/or Israeli. Both James Fallows and TaNehisi Coates at The Atlantic had some sharp stuff to say about the incident, which is good because all I have to say is pretty vulgar.

Continuing in this cheerful vein, the Internet Monk asks why people are angry at the poor? I draw attention to this because if we want to change people's attitudes towards the poor, I think it helps to understand what is driving the current attitude.

I found this article about how Whole Foods primes you to shop fascinating--down to what shade of yellow makes a banana most appealing. The author has written a book called Brandwashed that may have to go on my list. Not to buy, though. Why would I want to do that?

Let's pick up the mood a little bit with this report from the World Health Organization, announcing that malaria deaths have declined by almost 40 percent over the last 10 years--and may be zero by 2015, at the time when the Millennium Development Goals are set to expire! Wouldn't that be fabulous? Let's keep that going!

I have a new blog I follow called Confessions of a Funeral Home Director.  He had a great post yesterday asking "Which funeral home wins the title of 'Worst funeral home name ever?'"  It was a tough call.

Finally, get your Kleenex back out to watch this video about Sherrie Gahn's amazing work with the kids at her elementary school:

Have a terrific weekend!

Various and Sundry, September 4

The reason I'm so late with the V&S this week is because on Friday I had to make an EMERGENCY trip to Sebastopol to get Gravenstein apples after reading this article about how those big bully grapevines are pushing those thin-skinned apples around. Here's a picture:

I have Gravenstein apples and you don't! ha ha ha!

But I did want to fill you in on a couple of things.

I loved this fabulous flowchart to help you decide which baseball team to root for. First option: "I have a soul." If no, you root for the Yankees. If yes, move to the next option. Apparently, I'm a Colorado Rockies fan.

This was written for writers, but is true of so many things: about how we need to focus on goals rather than milestones. Meaning this:

Too many people, when they create lists of goals they’d like to achieve in their year, choose to list milestones over which they have little control. Saying you’d like to sell a novel as a ‘goal’ is possibly not in your control. The market may not be right. You may not have written a good novel. But you can certainly somewhat control writing a novel and submitting it.

It's a very practical application of the Serenity Prayer.

In social media, I really liked this blog entry on Twitter that covers all of the basics in a clear, comprehensive, British, and non-social-media-guru way. For example:

"TIP: Don't be a wanker and pretend you're Cameron's personal advisor."

Words to live by.

Speaking of Twitter, I also loved this which I found on Flickr:



That's what most people are really thinking, of course.

This UCC minister also reveals what pastors are really thinking when someone explains to us that they are "spiritual but not religious."

Next thing you know, he's telling me that he finds God in the sunsets. These people always find God in the sunsets. And in walks on the beach. Sometimes I think these people never leave the beach or the mountains, what with all the communing with God they do on hilltops, hiking trails and . . . did I mention the beach at sunset yet?

Oh yes!

Finally, for all the over-doers among us, I highly recommend this column, Stop Giving One Hundred Percent!

I think I'll go kick back for a bit. Have a great weekend, everyone!

What I am discovering about being a social media consultant

You know, when I became a priest, I thought I would be spending most of my time in conversations with people and I found, to my surprise, that I spent most of my time at the computer.

When I became a social media consultant, I didn't think I'd be spending much time with people at all, but of course I realized that the people who needed my services were the people who weren't already using social media. What it means is that I spend much of my time either meeting with people, calling people, or making plans to meet with or call people.

At least it gets me out of the house!

Off to make a phone call...

Various and Sundry, August 19

I'm not getting anything done right at the moment, so I might as well blog and entertain myself by sending scads of random articles your way.

Let's see here...[shuffle, shuffle] We seem to be heavy on the social media geekery this week. Just shows where my mind is at.

I LOVED these social media propaganda posters, which you can buy separately or in this all-in-one version here. h/t Design Fetish for bringing these to my attention.

I also thought this infographic on the Psychology of Twitter was terrific. If you like that sort of thing. Which I do. Obviously. Because I'm being nice to you, I'm not copying the infographic here because I suspect some of you might have other ways you want to spend your time than learning what makes people retweet a tweet. Yeah, never mind I'm moving on now.

Gardens! And garden snakes! Isn't that better? I loved these photos from Phillip Oliver over at Dirt Therapy who "got quite a jolt when I walked up the side gate to water the portulaca and saw this -"

Yikes! I enjoyed following the snake around the garden through the safe distance of these gorgeous photos.

In the obits (since the Week in Death feature seems to be overkill, so to speak), I would like to draw your attention to Nat Allbright, Voice of Dodgers Games He Did Not See.

Mr. Allbright, who died last month, went on to be a master of what is now a lost, almost hard-to-imagine art. Like a young radio broadcaster named Ronald Reagan, he took bare-bones telegraph messages transmitted by Morse code (“B1W” for Ball One Wide); embellished them with imagination and sound effects; and then broadcast games that sounded as if he were in the ballpark hearing, smelling and seeing everything, from steaming hot dogs to barking umpires to swirling dust at second base.

Apparently, there were "rain delays" when emergency repairs were needed. An impressive example of carrying on, I say.

And finally, if you are in the Portland, Maine area, please stop by the store Ferdinand tomorrow. Why? It's celebrating its 10th anniversary. And it's my sister's shop. Pretty awesome. Way to go, Diane!

Introducing...

Have you been wondering what's kept me so busy I haven't been able to blog the past few weeks? OK, there's a puppy. But there's also...

Yes, indeed, I've been working hard to create a website which finally went live yesterday. You may note that a couple of the blog posts look familiar. You can also follow us on Twitter.

But what is Cephas Media, you ask? It is a subsidiary of Cephas Consulting, which has been around for 20 years "combining strategic marketing and communications services with traditional consulting tools such as process re-engineering, strategic analysis and economic modeling." Cephas Media is the social media arm of the organization. My official title is Director of Marketing and Social Media--la di dah. I'm working with six clients thus far and searching for more. If what we have to offer sounds interesting, please let me know. Or if you know someone who might need our services, pass the word along.

We'll see where this goes!