Hypocrisy exposed! Yet snarkiness continues

You may recall a couple of weeks ago I had a little mini-rant about the Society for the Promotion of Good Grammar getting all shirty about the song Satisfaction.

I believe God heard my rant and has been punishing me by keeping two songs that drive me crazy running through my head.

So with the understanding that confession is good for the soul and may also release me from this terrible audioloop, and with hope that it won't infect you, here are the songs that have been pestering me.

Exhibit A: Don't lose my number by Phil Collins.

I hadn't thought about this song in years when it came on in a store one day. Catchy tune, I thought. But what's up with those lyrics?

Billy, don't you lose my number
cause you're not anywhere
that I can find you

The thing is, there's nothing technically wrong with this. It just drives me crazy. "You're not anywhere" just feels odd to me, rather than "You aren't anywhere" or even "You're nowhere..." And I KNOW it's better the way it is, catchier, stickier. But I keep wanting him to say...something else. Stop him! Stop him before he uses that convoluted grammatical structure again!

But at least it's reasonable for me to have this stuck in my head, having heard it. The other makes NO SENSE.

Exhibit B: Have You Seen Jesus My Lord? -- Sunday school chorus from waaaaaay back.

I haven't heard this in years--and certainly not in any store--and yet, as punishment for my snarkiness, I have been afflicted with this pablum. Pertinent annoying verse:

Have you ever looked at the sunset
with the sky mellowing red
and the clouds suspended like feathers?
Then I'd say (then I'd say)
you've seen Jesus my Lord.

OK, again, not a grammar problem per se, though I can quibble with the simile that clouds are not suspended like feathers, seeing as feathers actually do fall to the ground. More fundamentally (no pun intended) I am hard pressed to believe that beautiful sunset = Jesus. Seems pagan to me. But even worse, it's TRITE BEYOND BELIEF! Icky, make it stop! Make it go away!

I seem to keep getting myself in deeper and deeper snark-wise; I'm not sure I'm showing the proper contrition for mocking the SPOGG folks. I am forced now to concede that if Satisfaction drives them nuts, that's just a matter of taste.

Lorin has already put me on this road with her spirited defense of how bad grammar in songs can drive one crazy. Me, I'm hoping I don't go mad. Help me out, here. What songs drive you nuts?

Jesus? Jesus is that you?