Friday, August 27, 2010

Cat heist: a drama by David Marmot

[Scene opens. Jack and Charlie are in a back hallway gazing longingly at the cabinet in which the pet food is stored.]

Jack: Yeah, she caught me yesterday gettin' into the cabinet, see? So now we's got a little extra problem what with this case of Diet Pepsi blockin' clear access to the door.

Charlie: You're sure the stuff is in there, right, Jack?

Jack: Oh, yeah, Charlie. I got a good whiff of it yesterday when I was in there before she kicked me out.

Charlie: All right, let's crack this joint.

[thoompa thoompa thoompa thoompa]

Charlie: Hey, Jack, you got that case moved outta the way yet?

Jack: It's comin', Charlie. Just gimme a hand, here, will ya?

[thoompa thoompa thoompa thoompa]

{rustling noise; a canister falls to the floor}

Jack: Charlie, what the-- Charlie, look out, she's coming. Char--{whistles nonchalantly} Oh, hey, looks like someone broke in here. Gosh, did they take anything? Hey, Charlie, did they take anything?

Charlie: {munching something} MMM...nope. Looks like it's all still here.

Jack: Yeah, it's a good thing we investigated that noise. Someone could of made off with all the food. Right, Charlie?

Charlie: Jack thought I should make sure to check it out.

Jack: That's what I told'im. Check it out, I said. You can't be too careful when it comes to premium dog food. What the--oh, man, we ain't done nothin.

Charlie: {hissing} I told you we shoulda done it tonight, but you couldn't wait.

Jack: Where are YOU going?

Charlie: Litter box. I wanna be sure to get there first, see how you like it.

[end scene]