Sunday funnies

OK, so this from my favorite time waster circa 2009: Twitter. Earlier this week, someone somewhere started a hashtag on twitter called #19thcenturyraplyrics which has amused me greatly. Some of my favorites are compiled below into a simulacrum of someone really white and musically conservative (i.e. me) might consider rap:

19th century rap lyrics (compiled from Twitter)

So, you wish to be a nonpareil,
living the high life in a large manor and five coaches.
Listen and forthwith I shall reveal the spectacle of fame
to the beglamoured and the fond.

Cease! Fall upon the ground!
Stop everything in order to start selling.
Forsooth, this is how uncouth passengers act.
Life consists of little more
than personages of the gentler sex and the coin of the realm.
Cease! Fall upon the ground!
Life consists of little more
than personages of the gentler sex and the coin of the realm.

It is I who is the king of the rock. There is none higher.
Foolish composers shall call me sire.
Verily, the temperatures within this room begin to exceed acceptable levels.
I intend to disrobe forthwith.

Good sir, your conduct has been most vexing and confusing
for this God fearing gentlewoman. I say, speak plainly sir!

Do not lay your hands upon me, my compatriot,
for you may injure yourself due to my high temperature.

Cease! Fall upon the ground! & cetera

I rather enjoy looking at large posteriors and I cannot lie.
My brothers, you cannot deny this as well.
Tis TRUE, my boasts of virility
for I have various women of ill repute in a myriad of villages.

Allow me to extend my condolences, young sir.
I have 99 problems, but fortunately, nary a harlot is among their number

Cease! Fall upon the ground! & cetera

[The photo is from The Impious Digest (subtitle: "In Hell, there is nothing else to read").]