Meanwhile, American pork producers are gearing up to persuade the media not to call it "swine flu." It's true, you don't get it from eating pigs. Maybe if a pig breathed on you - but really, how many times has that ever happened to you in your whole life? Like, never, right? Maybe we could call it Sacramento schoolchild flu. Or, as my friend Susan McCarthy suggested, vegan death fever. That would make the pork people happy.
From the always wonderful Jon Carroll.